Friends: I’m heartbroken. Not just because my candidate lost, but because this has awakened me to some truths I didn’t want to see. The reasons I refused to vote for Donald Trump are legion, and I assumed that not only would Hillary Clinton win the White House, perhaps the Dems could capture the Senate as well, sending a message that love truly Trumps hate.
Yesterday, I wore my “Jackie O.” sweater – a classic red-and-blue number I rarely wear because it seems too fancy for everyday wear, and paired it with my blue-and-white shoes. I proudly wore my country’s colors, confident that we would make history by repudiating what this man stands for. By electing a woman to the office of President, a long-overdue development.
I got home from work, played fetch with my sweet dog Bella girl, and then turned on NBC. I was exchanging texts with my mom and my best friends from New York. Both threads began hopeful yet guarded. Lots of encouragement and photos of a friend’s new puppy.
And then. And then. Slowly (yet somehow so quickly), we watched as millions of my fellow Americans voted for a man who wants to kick the chair out from under some of our most vulnerable citizens. A man who wants to change libel laws to stifle free speech. A man who openly admires authoritarian leaders.
Each state that was called for Trump felt like a physical blow. Another sharp elbow to women, putting us back in our place. Each vote a glowing red middle finger thrown up in fear and desperation, hatred and ignorance.
Many friends and family members voted for Donald Trump, and I love those people. I loved them yesterday and love them equally today. I know they are good people. Not all who voted for him are evil. But I cannot reconcile myself to this, not today.
Today, I have allowed myself to cry at a stoplight, hearing the excited voices of Trump supporters on NPR. I have wept with a coworker as we heard Hillary Clinton encourage little girls to see their own value and follow their dreams. I have begun to process this on multiple phone calls with my mom and step-dad – intelligent, kind, brave people I’m grateful to be able to lean on.
I’ve also been inspired by friends and folks on Twitter who are channeling their grief into so much positive action. I’ve donated money to the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and NPR. I’ve realized there’s so much we can do to protect each other. I’ve relied on a safety net that wasn’t there, but now I truly understand: we are weaving our own safety net with every word we speak, every action we take, and every dollar we spend.
Tonight, I’m going to have a big glass of wine and snuggle my dog. Moving forward, I hope to turn this incredible grief into action. Let’s listen to each other. Let’s help each other.
Let’s be better.