Friends – may I be serious for a few minutes? I try to be a source of positivity in this world, and I strive to see the silver linings in all situations. I believe that much of your experience in this life is determined by your attitude, and it’s been proven to me many times.
I’ve been pondering some things this week. I’ve been a bit of an itinerant soul throughout my adult life. I spent a semester in Scotland, which introduced me not just to some amazing people, but to the idea that “cool” has a very different definition than I thought in high school. Immediately after graduating from college, I moved to New York, a place that feels every bit as important to my development as my actual hometown, and where I had a job that allowed me to travel solo to Africa and India. Just over six years into New York, I decided to move to Colorado.
When I got to each of these new places, I didn’t have good friends there, but by the time I left Aberdeen and Brooklyn, I had incredible friendships that I hope will last a lifetime. But now I find myself in that weird place where you know lots of people in your new city, but your friendships just don’t have that same comfort level – in New York I didn’t think twice about asking people if we could drink wine together in our pajamas, and while I’m sure I’ll develop new friendships like that in Denver, on nights like tonight, I can’t help but think about how I left that behind.
Even though I’ve met and reconnected with plenty of fun folks, even though the mountains provide a dramatic backdrop for daily life here, and even though I can hear the frogs singing behind my apartment as the sun sets, sometimes I feel profoundly lonely, like all my leaving has severed a lot of these bonds that were forged with some really special people.
There were good reasons for me to leave New York, and I don’t regret that decision one whit. I guess I just hope that maybe this move is the last one.
Maybe this time I’ve found home. Maybe it just takes time.